Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in bttlefieldheros' LiveJournal:

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Monday, May 1st, 2006
4:03 pm	well today will be a sad day. i didnt go to school because for some reason sleep evades me and me and liz megan and addie are going to Christine's dad's wake.. RIP MR.ABATO. its so sad.. christine didnt deserve this that consists of what i ahve to do today.. and maybe see Johnny after.. the end.
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Sunday, April 30th, 2006
6:41 pm	I'm a wish ful thinker with the worst intentions. so many things have been happening. I gota new car after crashing my other one Scion XB. it works. i quit my job. i was fooling around with my asst. Managers brother. so it seemed to not work out .. oh well.. i wanted to get outta there anyways.. it just sorta gave me a reason to.i still talk to all the boys there go and visit and stuff. Mainly to See Johnny and Scotty. my two favorite boys. lol.oh i went to go see dane cook. He was fucking hilarious. I dont even know how to explain that haha.. it was just funny.. I ddidnt get home until 530 Am but what are ya gonna do about it haha.lifes been interesting.. its been a few months since ive updated this thing.. but i guess its all good.im very bored right now.. which isnt a good thing. ive been fighting with my parents for the entire day,a nd i need to get rid of my horse, i cant sell him no one will buy him. so i gotta find a rescue that will take him in. maybe retrain him and sell him to a family thath as the money and time to take care of him. im lonely like always.. but ive been writin a lot. anyways.. i guess thats i t. kbye. Current Music: TBS
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Tuesday, January 17th, 2006
8:42 pm	the dreams in which im dying are the best ive ever had. yeah.. so again i havent updated in a while.. but oh well haha. uhm.. i work at Jiffy Lube in auburn.. .and i actually really like working there.. =] everyone i work with (they happen to be all guyz .. go figure haha ) is so cool... im only a CT now but soon i will be able to do hoods.. Hopefully i am okay with them.. haha.. other wise i might be fired.. but there are alot of very cute boys who work there.. specially scotty.. hes very cute.. =] anyway.. uhm.. i would like to get a tattoo buti talked to my sister today about stealing her ID and pretending i was her.. but now she says she wont let me even tho she said i could b4... so i think i might just ask my mom to get one iwth me on my 17th birthday and if she wont.. then ill just go to CT or RI and get it done by myself =] ... i cant wait to get one.. it will look oh so Good.. atleast i think so. anyway im done bye. Current Music: Harvey Danger
1 thought | think of me
Sunday, December 18th, 2005
4:15 pm	I want to rock and role all nighttt.. and party every day. sooo.. its been forever since ive updated this thing so i guess im gonna do it now =] uhmmm its been good since the last time i did write in this .. sorta.. i guess idk im still bored and life is sstill stupid but all i can do is wait it out but it will be easier now since i got my LISCENSE!!! wooohooo! lol. anyway. thats my story.
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Sunday, November 20th, 2005
6:46 pm	Can you Save us... so.. i have been feeling really down.. i dont know why.. nothing seems to make me happy anymore .. and i cant talk to any body about it.. because i just cant.. and i wish for once.. i could just trust someone enough to hold all my secrets.. someone i could share this weight with.. but alas.. i feel alone and thus lonely.. my parents hate me more now these days.. i dotn do anything.. i guess i just dont make them proud anymore.. i dont really care though. if i needed them i would care about them but i dont.. I want to go to a west coast school more then ever.. i just wanna get away and find a life somewhere else.. so i can leave behind these people that ive known and despised for so very long ... So if people think im negative.. its not because thats how i am.. its because usually.. i just dont like you.. dont feel bad.. i dont like a lot of people.. i guess i have no friends left.. maybe a select few.. but even then.. there are few.. People really dont know me.. im sweet, and nice. and i really do like hanging out and having fun but no one will ever give me a chance.. and im not asking for one.. b.c i feel the same way about many people.. especially in sutton.. im sick of the same high school drama.. i wish that there was more genre diversity in ssutton. it seems the kids who dress differently or listen to different music.. or anything different.. are thought of dark and depressed.. im sure im not the only one who thinks like that.. and just because im sarcastic doesnt mean im maean.. even though there are a lot of people i am quite mean too.. im not always like that.. but .. i dont really care if you care to look deeper then my appearance.. cuz i am happy the way i am most of the time.. now im not saying i am totally happy with how i am.. because i hate how i never have a bf.. or never give them a chance.. but if you all only knew what happened you'd understand.. im not doing it to be a player or a bitch.. there are reasons behind my logic.. and you all jsut cant understand and its fine.. because i will never tell any of you.. anyway.. im done.. b.c im sick of thinking about myself.. and i do really care about other people.. i wish they would care half as much as i do about them... but .. i guess the hardest thing to do is be a friend.. especially when you dont have any.. .. Can you save.... Current Mood: depressed Current Music: Cartel "save us"
1 thought | think of me
Sunday, November 13th, 2005
1:25 pm	want sommore? went to work today..got paid.. yay! 35 bucks for 2 hours. haha i love getting paid went out last night for GLENNS birthday. we went to his place then hung out with chris. then went back to glenns then we went Home.. it was a fun time cant lie.. haha.. this weekend has been alot of fun buttttt.i am grounded for a little while lol. bye.
1 thought | think of me
Friday, November 11th, 2005
10:09 am	yay haha.. well.. last night was awsome.. we almost got hit by a train and by almost got hit by a train i mean we really almost got hit by a train fuckin amazing. anyway.. thats it.
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Monday, November 7th, 2005
4:28 pm	betrayal... sooo.. i havnt updated in a while lol. lets recap the weekend! uhhhmm Friday. i went fucking camping yeah haha.. glenn and steve and pat and christi.. that was alot of fun. trying to get the pizza guy out to Cross Street.. " go to the end of that road,there will be a fence and we'll be waiting there..." .. " im so mad right now ill call you back".. haha i love you guyz mucho... and then on Saturday me heather and sean went to Moe's to get tacos!. omg. sooo good.. they were orgasmic.. then sean came over for a little bit.. we looked for cheap cars on ebay lol.. and then he took me and heather to my love jess's when we got there she was sleeping so i threw my cell fone at her , she woke up and said whoa a few thousand times.. hahah. and then we did a whole bunch of fun stuff after that like make a huggggge fucking cookie :) . yay!. anyway.. then sunday came along. i woke up at 945 from jesses and went home. and then went to work for the entire day but it was okay cuz i got paid 60 dollars! haha then school came and well i hate school. and that is today and today i hate.. why because i had to be in the worst mood ever today. and probably tommorow too. depending on how nice i feel lol P.S i love heather and jess like you read about havent ya heard!? Current Music: stray light run.. dont ask.
1 thought | think of me
Sunday, October 30th, 2005
8:53 am	you're so damn hot... Oh... well. its really early in the morning.. and i was woken up against my will so im kinda mad but w.e.. last night was wicked fun.. well.. first i went to work at 1. it wasnt that bad.. but ireally need to learn how to dress warmer.. haha.. anyway.. then i came home and my sister was gone and i was mad cuz she was my only ride to glenns but then someone's mom gave me a ride there.. and it was nice of them because it was wayyy outta there way.. but we got to glenns and he wasnt even there.. but he was at shanes. and so we went there hung around for a bit then went back to Glenns./. he had a space heater in his room haha..and i stole it ,his house is always COLD!then glenn went to Tony's.. and me and everyone else "walked around Millbury" .. it was then i had to leave... but it was still a good night..the end :) <3 Current Music: OKGO
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Friday, October 28th, 2005
11:14 pm	lights will guide you home.... soooo went to school.. that was aball lol.. jk.. uhm then had a horrible volleyball game at burncoat. they were soooo obnoxious and unteamly and just.. stupid lol. but hten i picked up Jess and we went to heathers house stayed there for a while and then went to shanes... and then came back and hung out for an hour or so... and then we had to leave and go home.. it was a fun night. short entry. the end. Current Music: uhmmm... buzzing from the t.v
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Wednesday, October 26th, 2005
5:58 pm	and i.... will fix you... so. volleyball season is coming to a close. and the seniors are getting sad, and the team is getting sad... its just the way it goes. We'll all miss them very much and cant wait to see what happens to them in the future :) .. good luck guyz.. <3 . Today i went to school, im trying to focus alot more. because im realizing how important it is if i wanna get into the film school that i wanna go to.. thats another thing, ive found my little nitch, or atleast my favorite interest right now and thats broadcast journalism. i love editing and filming and creating, its so fun, its all your own, and its something i can put my name on and be proud of. So ive been looking at alot of film schools in California because that is where i wanna go to College. Either that or NY or even Boston. but preferablly somewhere that stays warm all year round. i just think if i get outta massachusetts i can finally start being happy because ill be leaving all this behind. And ofcourse if i get into that school ill come back as much as possible. but im thinking too far ahead of myself .. im not even a senior yet.. anyway.. there are a few up coming shows i wanna go to .. i guess "opening night" is playing on November 19th. and i guess there is some mystery show says Liz on November 4th?.. im trying to be positive.. and so far its going okay.yay! i have a packed weekend sooo far. hanging out with snouza and jess and eric? and maybe sam L. at snouz's house. probably get our baking on.. and then chinese food?? lol. then saturday i have to work from like 230 - 430 or something.. and then im baking cookies with glenn!!. and on sunday im not doing nething so if anyone wants to hang out .. that would be rad k thanx :)<3 im trying to write more poetry. its been in the back of my consious because i havnt done it lately. i havent had netime for creativness. but im trying. i need more friends.. haha. like really tho.. i wish i just had a tight group of friends that hung out every weekend... is that so hard to ask ?? haha. ididnt think so but maybe it is.. oh well. :) i cant wait till i turn 18.. (sorry for the randomness of this entry but a lot of things are on my mind) i am getting to stars below my stomach, and then two guns on my lower back .. and a few more piercings lol. im done goodbye<3 Current Music: Cold Play
1 thought | think of me
Tuesday, October 25th, 2005
6:36 pm	Love can be so boring... well.. i finally am willing to do homework. but its utterly impossible to do it with my grandfather living here. The computer is in the damn living room and he sits there listening to country music blasting and talking to the damn cats, i cant concentrate. and i hate it!. god.. i am failing school and my mom is always on my case about getting homework done but what am i supposed to say to him... be quite you're distracting me? that would be soo mean. and i couldnt do that. but its sooo annoying im never alone nemore. i hate that. being alone is the one thing that makes me happy most of the time.. but im never alone... there is always someone there or hes there just sleeping on the couch. UGH i wish hed move out and i know that sounds horrible but you just dont understand. i havnt sat on my couch since he moved in here. i havent watched T.V on the living room tv cuz hes always watching it.. and it pisses me off. i just wnana be a fuckin lone!. jesus.. is that so damn hard to ask? .. ugggh.. anyway i finsihed my demo but i still have 2 other things t owrite but i refuse to write them until he goes to bed. cuz atleast then it will be quite... nd i realized its sooo early.. its only 7 but im sooo tired.. i cant focas nemore. i swear its impossible.. ughhhh... im just gonna run away when i get my liscense.. that would be fun.. i wouldnt have to deal with nething nemore yanno... Current Music: idk
1 thought | think of me
Monday, October 24th, 2005
9:56 pm	you met me at the terminal... Just One more Plane Ride and its DONE... so my life is pretty much a huge chaotic mess. volleyball is driving me nuts, even though its almost over. I still have practices and games and such and then i am working on the gift for the seniors, god like i dont have enough stuff to finish.. not that im complainging cuz i love the seniors and am happy to do it for them im just super busy. im at my final gauge .. 2's. . they look good. i like them .. im pretty much rediculously stressed out about everything.. im wicked tired as well. which doesnt help. and ive been in a bad mood for the past 39582234029845 days i dont even remember the last time i was truley happy. oh well.. uhm.. i hate geometry.. its so stupid. it makes me wanna kill myself .. along with accounting... sooooooo boring holy shit.. oh well.. i dont care!. i really just dont care nemore.. goodnight. Current Music: jacks mannequin
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Sunday, October 23rd, 2005
4:41 pm	Lets get fucked up and die... so, yesturday was pretty fun.. i mean i got to go to work and get paid. and then i went to stefans party. but back to work for a second. It was raining alll day and all the time iwas working so i got sooo wet and i was freezing. but then i got home and ended up making 35 dollars for like only half an Hour. so it waas all good. And then i got dressed and went over to Glenn's house. Brian was there too. me himand glenn went to stefans house for the annual halloween prty thing.. it was really fun, i met this guy named joe he was cool, and it was basically just a bunch of fun people hanging out.. the people who were there know wat happened a little later into the party and im not gonna be immature and put it in here so w.e .. despite the ending of the night it was still fun.. then i went home and went to sleep b.c i was super tired. today i got up and went to school to get pix of the seniors for their scrap books and stuff. then i went to dunkin donuts mmmmm.. then i went to addies house because i had to get something for english homework. then i did my homeowkr. and thats basically it.. the nend<3 Current Music: Boys night out
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Wednesday, October 19th, 2005
10:28 pm	turn that fucking radio off so, i feel so low today... im so sick of being tired, and stressed and sad.. its getting to the point where it is rediculous and i cannot deal with it anymore.. and my mom is no help, all she does is scream at me.. always no matter what i do. i honestly give up. i wanna quit school sooo bad i hate it, im failing and i dont feel like trying.. fuck.. nvm. i dont know why im updating all im doing is complaining.. goodnight/
1 thought | think of me
Tuesday, October 18th, 2005
5:21 pm	CuteFace. Heather souza is pretty much my life. shes been here for like.. 5 daysand im not sick of her yet!! :) .. hehe.. anyway.. its been rad we've hung out with eric and nick and stuff.. andheather thinks her rib cage is too close to her pelvis.. is that possible??.. i was sick today!.. haha.. it Sucked.. we had PSAT's and we drove home with Nick and Bob and drove through a puddle which consiquently created a tsunami puddle that pretty much splashed us... haha. it was rad.. p.s heather <3's ericface.. the end..
1 thought | think of me
Sunday, October 16th, 2005
5:34 pm	well today has been interesting.. uhm heather slept over again last night and we talked n shit.. and today me and her went to the mall. i dropped her off at home afterwards but shes sleepng here again tonight when we go get her at like 6 ive been in a wierd mood all day. and i dont feel that hott. but w.e anyway thats it..
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Saturday, October 15th, 2005
9:33 pm	Anything but what i am... today hs been probably the best day ive had in a while. heather palouza slept over last night and then this morning we went to Dunkin Donuts to get coffee so we could stay awake for PSAT's .. and then nuck drove us and bobby and leah home .. he dropped bobby and leah off first and then came over my house.. it was amazing.. i had the best time.. we just sat around ordered a pizza. heather took a shower yanno the works.. hahah.. we stole nucks clothes.. im wearing his sweatshirt and his vest thing.. its super warm i cant even lie.. ahah..then nuck went home to go to work n stuff.. and then Generic came over.. and him and heather hit it off real well.. they were SOOOOO cute!!> then we dropped Generic off at home.. and now me and heather are being cute and sharing time on the computer.. // it feels soooo much later then 930.. i kinda wish it was later.. sleep would do me well tonight.. :).. anyway. im done.. kthanx goodbye<3 Current Music: Mercy Me.
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Friday, October 14th, 2005
6:47 pm	im sorry im leaving. basically i hate life. i cant even lie nemore. i have nothing going for me what so ever. im failing school. im apparently ugly .. and i just cant get my life sorted out at all. im everywhere at everysingle minute of every single day.. have you ever had that feeling that you were being ripped in a million different peices at a million different times.. well thats what ifeel.. i cant do nething right. im failing so bad in school. i might as well just quit now.. it would make more sense. i wish i Could just run away.. even if its not for good.. maybe just for a few days.. ive come to realize .. my friends arent really friends.. and i have realized my life is basically a mess.. and its something too big to clean up by myself. basically im about ready to cry. i miss the people who i thought cared about me.. and i miss feeling like i was still alive.. maybe i wasnt really alive in the first place.. maybe i was dead all along..ugh.. w.e .. this is so stupid.. the only people i can trust right now is cal and heather.. i wanna kill myself.. and i know alot of ppl say that when they are upset.. but im not kidding... i would so love to die right now.. nothing here is going okay.. and even though i have time for everyone else's problems no one has time to help me out.. guess im just a big dissapointment.. bye. Current Music: Eisley
1 thought | think of me
Thursday, October 13th, 2005
7:09 pm	Its been a long day... so .. im grounded for the rest of my life.. im only allowed on the computer for like 10 minutes at a time. if im even lucky enough to get that.. aha.. oh well.. i got yelled at by the school n shit that they dont think i can pass school.. cuz obv. im dumb. but i dont really care.. uhm.. i switched outta Alg. 2 not even by my own will the school made me .. so now im in stupid Acounting.. fuck that.. oh well.. ugh.. i applied to Honey Dew today.. cuz they were highering and my mom is dying to get me outta the house cuz she hates me aha.. oh well. uhhhhhhmmm... i basically wanna Die. i dont feel all that hot. and im pretty much lost in life right now.. i cant even think of nething i wanna do when im older.. im probably gonna die at 21 by alcoholism and pass out on theside of the road and never wake up.. wat a way to die... anyway... im contemplating after volleyball season if i wnna pierce my lip... i dont know!.. humm.. w.e we'll see.. bye. Current Music: Alkaline trio
6 thoughts | think of me